house sitting dogs

Sometimes you get to meet the nicest animals when you are house sitting. That’s Pepe on the left and his brother Fernando.

I was actually sitting around yesterday morning thinking. Yes, it happens some times. Of course, it doesn’t do anyone else any good unless I somehow communicate those thoughts. “If only I had a machine for recording them, and if only I had a means to disseminate them,” I mused.

Oh wait!

Here they are. The numbers are completely arbitrary, as you will soon learn.

Fifty travel rules (actually more guidelines) that I follow. I suppose you could call them tips.

1. Sometimes use a guidebook. Sometimes don’t. To all those people who say, “I want to see things that aren’t in the guidebook,” I say, “you’re fooling yourself.” First, that quaint place you ran across probably is in the guidebook, if the book is any good. Second, use the guidebook as a suggestion list, not a commandment. It’s not the Bible. (I’d suggest using the Bible as a list of suggestions rather than commandments, too, btw.)

2. There’s a difference between traveling and changing positions. Taking an airplane flight is the latter. To achieve the former, I suggest, in order, trains, buses, bicycles, walking, standing, looking, listening, sniffing.

3. It’s ok to veg out in front of a television now and then, especially if you can find one broadcasting in English. If you can’t find English, I recommend watching sports in a bar with the locals. The more soccer you watch, the bigger your vocabulary gets.

4. Eat in local restaurants and if you see something on another person’s table that looks good, ask them what it is. It’s a great way to strike up a conversation and improve your diet at the same time. If the waiter automatically hands you an English menu, think about changing restaurants. Unless, of course, you’re in Asia and you have no freaking idea what a local menu says.

5. Read books. It’s fun to try something written by a native of the country you’re visiting, or that takes place in that country.

6. Get a Kindle or some sort of tablet. See above. You can’t carry all the tomes you’d like with you.

7. Travel alone sometimes. Even if you are traveling with someone, take a day or two and go in separate directions. You need your own time to follow your own nose and think about what you’re seeing. If you’re with someone else, you just can’t do that.

8. Study up on the history (or literature) of where you are going. We had a little lesson in that recently when we told some indigenous Mexican women that we’d lived in Spain. Her response: “I hate Spain.” Think about why that might be true.

9. Don’t make too many plans. Inevitably, you will hear about something else you might want to see as you’re moving around. You don’t want to miss it just because you’re scheduled for a museum that day.

10. Take an organized tour now and then, especially if you can determine the guide has knowledge about the site, and can get you places you might not otherwise be able to get to. If while you are on the tour you want to wander off by yourself for a bit, go ahead. Just don’t get lost. Or go ahead and get lost. Unless you’re in a wilderness.

11. Learn to say at least “please,” “thank you,” and “where is the bathroom?” in the language of every country you visit.

12. Eat street food, but be careful to eat what the locals are eating. If they’re not lined up to buy from that cart, you shouldn’t be either.

13. Make sure the water is boiling or the oil is bubbling at the food stand. See above.

14. Just because you’re determined to eat local doesn’t mean you have to eat bugs. If people ask you if you had the crickets on Khao San Road, you can always lie.

15. Learn to eat with your hands.

16. If you just feel like having the burger and fries at a Hard Rock, that’s ok once in a while. Just don’t buy the t-shirt.

17. Wash your hands often.

18. Learn to be comfortable stooping instead of sitting when it comes to toilets.

19. Carry Immodium, and, if you’re a woman, toilet paper. A dose of Cipro is not a bad idea either.

20. Wash your hands often. That bears repeating.

21. Nachos are not really Mexican food. Don’t eat them when in Mexico. They’re soggy with tomato sauce, terrible.

22. Margaritas are Mexican food, and they make them with real lime juice instead of a crappy mix like in the US. Order them often.

23. Don’t drink alcoholic drinks from unmarked bottles, especially in strange places. It might be antifreeze and you might end up blind–or worse.

24. Chicha, the local “beer” in Peru is an exception to the above. It tastes terrible, but if you want the authentic Inca experience, you should try it once. My advice is, when you pour some on the ground before you drink in the traditional offering to the Earth Mother, be generous with the Earth Mother.

25. Eat yogurt. It’s good for your guts.

26. Forget the Coca-Cola and drink the local, pure fruit juice. It’s better.

27. Drink coffee. Every country’s is different, and it doesn’t cost as much as at Starbucks. (Although I do love Starbucks at home.)

28. Pack light. Light quick drying clothes are best. You’re going to look out of place if you want to go to the opera, but what the hell. Also, you generally don’t see the same people twice, so you can drop the whole wardrobe concept.

29. If you’re in a spot where everyone around you is speaking English (and you’re not in England) pick a direction and walk for ten minutes in that direction. If you’re still hearing only English, you probably are in England.

30. Go to sports matches. Baseball in Mexico, soccer in Peru, jai alai in the Basque Country, kick boxing in Thailand. If you’re lucky, you might even end up in the owner’s box at the soccer match, as we did in Cusco.

31. Play street ball with the kids. Even if you suck at soccer, they won’t care, and neither will you.

32. Some days, leave the camera at the hotel.

33. Don’t look at your phone unless you are alone in a bar, and there is no soccer on television. (OK, I break this rule a lot.)

34. Occasionally tell great big lies to somebody and see if you can get them to buy it. Don’t ever admit it.

35. Rent a car. Drive around outside of town and see what you run into.

36. At some places that look interesting, look around for a caretaker and ask to be let into a place you otherwise wouldn’t see. This has worked for me at a church in Mexico, a medieval gate in the walls of Toledo, at a famous Spanish cathedral (where we got into the crypt and treasury,) Roman ruins under an Italian restaurant, and, believe it or not, the Pope’s private chapel (OK, in that case, I knew someone.) Tip them generously.

37. If you’re lucky enough to be invited to someone’s home, always accept. Take flowers.

38. Don’t pet or tease stray animals. And stay away from monkeys. They steal whatever isn’t nailed down.

Mona Lisa Louvre

When you go to the Louvre and you get to the Mona Lisa, actually look at it. Don’t get in the line to take a picture of it. The original is better.

39. Go to the museums, big and little. There’s a reason why The Prado, The Uffizi, The Rijksmuseum, The British Museum, and The Louvre are famous. They’re great. Allow lots of time and do stop and stare for a long time at the best stuff. There are lots of little museums that definitely are worth it, too. One good painting or sculpture or piece of indigenous art can make your day.

40. For pure art “Wow!” it’s Italy. Spain is good, but Italy is better. The food is much better in Spain, however.

41. Carry a copy of your passport separate from your passport. Same goes for copies of credit cards. In fact, you might leave your passport at the hotel and carry the copy with you. (Check with the country you are in, though. Some police require the real thing to be produced on demand. For some, a copy is fine.)

42. If something really sucks, keep it to yourself. The time I most hate being a foreigner is when someone who is from my country, or one like it, is loudly declaiming, “The stuff in that store is complete crap,” where the store owner and all his family can hear it. “No, thank you,” works just fine. Try it. Even better: buy something now and then. It’s not all crap.

43. Don’t ever argue with a foreign cop. There’s no percentage in it. Explaining is ok. Saying, “I’m sorry officer, I didn’t know,” is better.

44. Contrary to popular belief, not all foreign police are corrupt. But, if it comes to a bribe, try to let a local intercede for you. He’s more likely to know the proper amount anyway.

45. If you go to Vegas–and you should–stay downtown, not on the Strip. I like the Golden Nugget, myself. Go to the best show you can find at the half price ticket booth. I like Penn and Teller, but then I’m a sucker for magic.

46. Consider house sitting. We’ve done it a couple of times and it gives you a chance to really get to know an area and some regular people–and probably some animals.

47. Learn at least one other language well. That probably means living in another country for at least a year. You will be amazed at how much it opens you to another way of thinking.

48. Learn to use your camera. Wean yourself from the Auto setting. As much as possible, try to take pictures of people. They’ll usually let you if you smile at them.

49. Make a packing list, update it as you realize you’re taking stuff you don’t need, or don’t have stuff you do. I try to error on the side of “less is better.” If you absolutely have to have something you didn’t bring, chances are you can buy it.

50. Don’t get really drunk like you did when you were in college. It’s dangerous for many reasons. Trust me, I’ve seen things.

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